


Being Left

by IndefinitelyKato



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Not Eating, Other, Self Harm, Seongsang if you squint, THERES just a lot of hurt, but he’s still a good dad, dadjoong, he is a sad boy, hongjoong is fed up, seonghwa runs away, this is angsty, this was painful to write, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:02:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23147422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndefinitelyKato/pseuds/IndefinitelyKato
Summary: -Inspired by Being Left by Zico-It was a rough patch, right? This would all pass and they would be back to the way things were. His smile, his laugh, his support and undeniable friendship. Right?Warning: Self harm and eating disorders! This could be very triggering to audiences! If you feel the want to hurt yourself or someone else, please reach out and seek help as soon as possible. The crisis text hotline is 741741 and the suicide hotline phone number is 1-800-273-8255. Stay safe and happy reading! Xxx
Relationships: Kang Yeosang/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	Being Left

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I’m so happy with how the last story went. If you are trying to decide whether or not to leave a comment, always do! I didn’t realize how much it would make me smile just to see that people share my interests. The support has given me a lot of motivation to write another piece. I’m not thinking this one will be as quick to comfort, though. I am feeling like venting about something that just happened in my life. Because of this, I’m going to make a clear warning in the summary to what may be triggering to some audiences. Please know that you can always reach out to me if you ever feel alone! Unlike how my current life is going, this will have a good ending. I promise.

The door closed with a slam and Seonghwa was left in tense silence. He listened to the stomping until the only thing he heard was his heart pounding in his throat. He took a shaky step backwards, feeling his legs hit the bed and he collapsed to sit. He looked shakily into his hands before numbly wiping at tears dripping down his honey tanned skin. He sat there for what felt like hours until the door was opened. In the doorway stood Yunho. He smiled at the older.  
“Dinner is ready, hyung.” He said and stood, waiting for Seonghwa’s response. The eldest didn’t even register the words before he felt his lips moving. “Not hungry.” He said and dismissed the boy, who nodded and quietly closed the door as he left. Seonghwa looked out the window to see the sun dipping low in the sky. It was too late in the day to do anything useful now. Seonghwa settled on curling up in bed. He pulled the blanket up to his nose, quietly reflecting over the events. He had a falling out with San. The name rang numb in his mind. It was just a falling out, right? He was mad, but he’d move on and everything would be good again. He felt something rise in the back of his throat. He finally closed his eyes and fell into an uncomfortable, dreamless sleep.  
He woke up the next day and got out of bed before his mind attacked him. He saw Hongjoong on the other bed, typing away at his laptop like a man on a mission. He smiled faintly. “Good morning, Hongjoong.” He said gently. The leader whipped his head up. “Oh! Good morning, hyung! We missed you last night at dinner.” He said with a smile. Seonghwa’s stomach dropped. I doubt that, He thought to himself before smiling. “I’m sorry, I’ll make sure I join everyone tonight.” His words were empty, but they seemed to satisfy Hongjoong enough and Seonghwa slipped out the door, listening to the sound of faint voices as he padded to the kitchen. He looked up to see Mingi and Yunho quietly chatting as they worked together to prepare a breakfast for all of the boys. Wooyoung sat at the table with San. When he entered the room, everyone turned to look at him. He was met with three smiles and a burning glare that belonged to San. Seonghwa smiled back at them. “Good morning, everyone. I’m sorry for not joining everyone for dinner last night.” He said softly, eyes meeting each of the boys. San just scowled and leaned over to Wooyoung, murmuring in his ear. Wooyoung shot a perplexed look to Seonghwa before looking away slowly. He watched the younger’s hand reach to grip San’s thigh. His heart shattered in his throat. He felt the threat of tears in his eyes and he turned on his heel, silently walking to his room. He grabbed a change of clothes and walked to the bathroom. Hongjoong looked up.   
“What’s up?” He asked.  
“I’m going to go grocery shopping.” The eldest murmured as he closed the door to the bathroom. He haphazardly cleaned himself, shoving a beanie on his head and a sweatshirt that was too big on him along with some sweatpants. He went to the door and grabbed the keys, slipping some shoes on and leaving. He closed the door behind him and hastily moved to the car, turning it on and peeling out of the driveway before anyone could try and stop him from leaving.   
He drove for a while, focused enough to not get into a crash. He passed through a few cities and realized he had no intention of getting groceries. He glanced at his phone and pulled into the lot of a run down hotel. He saw a menagerie of messages from each of his band members.  
[Joongbug: Hwa? Where are you? Are you safe? Please call when you can..]  
[Ho Ho: Hey.. you left really fast, I didn’t get a chance to say bye.. Will you be back soon?]  
[Mountain Man: You’re being selfish for storming out. You need to come home right now.]

Seonghwa closed out of the messaging app before reading the rest of the texts. He called Hongjoong.  
“Hyung? Oh thank god.” He heard the other let out a heavy sigh of relief. “You scared me so bad.” He said gently. “Are you safe? Where are you?”  
Seonghwa hesitated. “I’m so sorry, Joong. I’m safe.. I just need some.. Time away.” He whispered. “I’m at a motel, an hour or so away, I’ll be back home when I can.” He said. When Joong reluctantly gave a noise of approval and after a few discreet words, they ended the call. He walked in and checked into the motel. He found himself sitting on a dingy bed, quietly fumbling with the hem of his shirt. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small bag, opening it, out tumbled a razor blade. He sighed and stared at it, the weight was heavy in his hand. He closed his eyes and didn’t hesitate.

Seonghwa was taking a bath when Yeosang facetimed him. He answered the call, eyes dull and puffy with tears. His arms were skillfully hidden from the scene. He saw Yeosang’s heartbreak in the way he sighed out. Seonghwa just tried to open his mouth.   
“Sangie..”   
“Don’t, Hyung. Don’t.” He murmured and ended the call. Seonghwa felt sick all over again. He put his hands in his hair and choked out a petty whimper, squeezing his eyes shut. 

He laid in bed. His arms stung and he hugged his knees to his chest. The only thing he heard was his heart slamming in his ears. He bit back broken sobs as he watched the sun fall from the small window by the door. He stayed like that, phone long dying hours ago as he watched the slowly changing sky. The pain hurt worse when he watched the sun come up. He got up and haphazardly slipped his clothes on, his jeans, a short sleeved white shirt, and his coat. Standing made him dizzy. He left the room and returned the keys to the desk, pocketing his dead phone and getting back in the car to continue his journey. 

He pulled up to a small diner when a majority of the scenery had shifted to fields and houses, left and forgotten about. He walked in and winced at the obnoxious ding of the bell as he entered the establishment. He sat at a small booth and ordered just a glass of water. He sat at that spot for three hours, not touching his drink. He got up and left, leaving a 50 dollar tip. He got back in the car and looked up at the sky. It was a shade of orange that reminded him of home, but he didn’t have a home right now. He couldn’t go back to the place he once called home. Not yet, at least. 

He stopped at a motel when the time read 11:30. He checked in and decided to charge his phone. 

——

Hongjoong was sitting on Seonghwa’s bed, stroking a blanket that belonged to the older member as he called his phone for what had to have been the millionth time. San sat on the bed as well, worry quietly wracking his features, making an appearance in the bags under his eyes. 

“Hello.” A weary voice croaked on the other end. It made San let out a shaky sob. Hongjoong just sighed in relief. 

“Seonghwa..hyung.. please come home.” He said quietly. 

“I can’t come home.” He answered dully, hanging up the phone. Hongjoong sighed, angry. “I’m getting his location.” He said with a huff. 

—-

Seonghwa spent a couple more days hopping from place to place, seldom eating or sleeping, just adding to the plethora of harm on his fragile arms and legs. His ribs had made themselves apparent on what used to be a toned torso. He laid on the bathroom floor one night when a knock came to his door. He got up from his bloodied home and opened the door to see his leader, eyes dull. He stepped inside and Yeosang followed, who looked like he hadn’t slept. Hongjoong took a brief moment to rake his eyes over the other’s appearance. 

“Are you Seonghwa?” The younger of the two men asked. Seonghwa laughed bitterly and shook his head. 

“No, not really.”

Hongjoong helped him put his coat on after using a first aid kit on his arms. “We are going home, yeah?” He asked the older, who just nodded quietly. He was helped outside to see Jongho, who just nodded to his Hyung.   
“Hyung, may i please have the keys?” He asked softly. The elder nodded and handed him the keys. “Careful, now.” He said softly, as he was helped into the car. He fell asleep. 

When he woke up, he was in bed, Yeosang asleep hunched over the foot of the bed. Hongjoong was asleep in a chair beside his bed, and San was on the floor. He tried to sit up, but he couldn’t. He then registered that he was not home, but in the hospital. He inspected the iv in his arm with a tired expression. Yeosang stirred and went to look up at him. He watched the boy smile and crawl up closer to Seonghwa, softly kissing his cheek.   
“I’m glad you’re awake.”  
He pulled away to set a tray on the table beside his bed. He held out a bite of food on a fork, and Seonghwa didn’t have a choice but to eat it. Swallowing was something his body first refused to do. He coughed raspily, waking up the other two in the room. Hongjoong didn’t hesitate to assist Yeosang in feeding him. San just stood off to the side. He looked anxious and out of place.   
“Seonghwa-Hyung.. I’m thinking maybe.. we should talk..” he whispered. Once again, Seonghwa found him in a position where he couldn’t say no. Yeosang and Hongjoong soon left the room, giving the pair space. San gently took Seonghwa’s hand.   
“I’m sorry.. for treating you the way I did.. I wish.. I wish I had known that.. you s-struggled with this.” San squeaked out, delicate tears hitting the thin sheets on the hospital bed. Seonghwa just smiled absently.  
“There’s no reason to apologize, Sannie.” He said quietly, eyes drooping a bit in a struggle to stay awake. San has to accept that answer for now, knowing the man was not in a place of coherency. 

—-

After a few days and a mental health evaluation, Seonghwa found himself home with his family again. He was sitting on the couch while everyone crowded around him. He could see anger in some of their eyes, the temptations to ridicule Seonghwa and call him selfish for acting the way he did, but they did not act on those temptations, understanding that the days that he was gone, he had put himself in a set of torture that was unimaginable. San sat beside him and Yeosang was on his other side, rubbing his hand carefully. Wooyoung have him an apologetic expression, one that showed regret for letting things get this bad. Seonghwa just smiled through it all.

Seonghwa had to start counseling as a result of these events, and he had a hard time when it came to succumbing to the painful and hateful thoughts that ravaged his mind when the sun fell from the sky. But, as the days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months, he found everything just a little bit easier to handle. There were days, and it was becoming more frequent as time went on, that he would wake up to Yeosang pressed against his chest, sleeping or tapping away at his phone. Small cheek kisses became meaningful kisses that moved closer and closer to his mouth. No words had to be said to explain the feelings, Seonghwa just kissed back.   
It felt like he could finally move on and heal, and his family was there to help him.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments fuel me! I hope you liked this fic, if you found it triggering, I am very sorry :(


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